Duck Tale - By Akhiladevi Kumaran

Here I am to tell a Duck tale of two Tom & Jerry couple…

 

My friend Jones is a die hard cricket buff. He was member of local cricket club. He ate cricket, drank cricket, breathed cricket & slept cricket. He watched all the matches played in town.

 

Once Jones had taken his wife Jessy to a cricket match(You know why-he got buy1 get1 free offer VIP ticket to watch in AC glass compartment along with Ravi Shastri(By the way, She is a proud Mumbaiwala.)

Being a newly married guy, of course his first VIP for the first 3 months is his Girl-friend turned beautiful wife-Jessy!

 

Here friends, I have to give a quick “foot note" on Jessy…

Jessy is a die hard fan of Ronaldo seriously follows football but follows Messi than CR7 ..you know why -just to see Messi messing up so she could give a big lecture quoting Messi messes to lift up CR7 during her next day lunch with colleagues..oh my god..i used to wonder is this called negative motivation…something like seriously following my friend’s husband outings & sightings just to be proud my husband is not like that ….

 

Ok coming back to cricket,

It was Feb 14….Jones was back home with his couple tickets…Jessy was waiting with a bowl of “Chicken noodle soup” to impress her cricket-fan husband coincidentally for Valentine’s day!(WOWW…what a gift for a valentine?!)

 

 Jones happily after the soup started, “Honey, what do you think of cricket”..Jessy with that weird Chachi 420  look, ”Whattt..cricket? “Cricket confuses me - its the only sport in the world in which you get points for hitting the ball into the crowd and yet its the cricket players with the good damn protective gear!”

 

Jones had to pretend like applauding for her stupid answer, had to take the tool of “Ravi Shastri in AC VIP cabin” and offered her the tickets with bent knees like a red rose to her valentine!

Jessy on receiving her ticket proudly from her husband felt like flying and forgot football fans and visualized (without aware that it was a free ticket), turned to Jones, with that typical look“Ok Honey, I am privileged to come with you - and sit next to you just because of Ravi Shastri so that i can make my office colleagues envy about me)-provided you answer my cricket!”… Jones jumped out of the sofa…he took up the challenge and started, ”Well,dear…About cricket to me??? Start..Its a butterscotch cake walk to me!”

 

Jessy started “Can you define cricket to me…” When Jones was about to start, she said -“in my dad’s language”..Jones took a moment and his brain worked faster than usual ..

He got reminded her dad is a card game guy….and he said-“The high's the high, the low's the low, the jack's the jack and whoever gets the most points wins the game.   Since Jessy didn’t understand yet pretended and moved on to next question-“Whats offside? Define in my language”..

 

Jones was relieved and he was mentally prepared for the question ..and said,”You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game” with a deep sigh!

 

Jessy was puzzled and said,” Don’t understand a word out of it except men” ..Perplexed Jones,”Ok dear, let me come to your language - You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

 

She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes! BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!

 

Jessy couldn’t take it anymore and landed up in the ground with Jones. Jessy sat through the first innings although plainly bored. In the second innings a batsman gave a tremendous swipe and knocked the ball out of the ground. 'Thank goodness they got rid of it,' she sighed. 'Now we can all go home’. Jones was like took a serious decision - I should never take this gal with me to watch anything/anybody(!) including cricket-:)

 

He made her stay away from cricket, stay away from Ronado, stay away from Mess(yeah messi too) and made her stayed close to HIM&HIM only -result - PREGNANCY! She was expecting her baby anytime…But,  Jones never gave up cricket anytime…Even when he was too busy in his office with boss, bossini…Those were the days whatsapp & internet were not there and we were at peace-using phones only to ring up and hang up…unlike now where our fingers are all the time glued up like fiddling tabla or playing veena ..

 

Well, So no internet & no whatsapp ….On such occasions he would phone the club to find the latest score & kept himself updated. Mr James was a young man married recently & was expecting to become father soon.

 

One day while there was a cricket match in the town he had an important work in office as his wife was taken to hospital for delivery. He became very anxious. after two hours he rang the hospital and asked "what is the score".he got the reply "two are already out. last one was a duck".He got the shock of his life.then he realized that he had rang up the cricket club instead of hospital.

Written on request by Akhiladevi Kumaran with one liner from Ms. Rejitha;

Definition of cricket by card game guy & offside - Credits to Mr.Google 😊